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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v.4

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 4
The line graphs illustrate the number of male and female workers in various employment sectors of the Republic of Fredonia in the year 1975 and 1995. The first point to note is that the highest number of male and female workers were occupied in the public sector and wholesale and retail trade sector in both years. Public sector occupied the same number of employees in both two years that is 840 males and 640 females in a thousand employee. Wholesale and retail trade sector stands close behind with 650 male and 460 female employees in the year 1975, while a slight reverse order in the year 1995 with 800 females and 650 males per thousand. Manufacturing section consumes almost an equal number of employees in both years with 600 males and half of its females. Interestingly, almost an equal number of employees in communication sector in the year 1975 with 24% and 25% females and males respectively, changed to its double in female workers and with the same number of male workers in the year 1995. This same trend was shown in finance and banking sector. However, defence public sector occupied the lowest number with 10 female and 210 male workers out of a thousand workers in the year 1975 and 100 females and its double male workers in the year 1995. In conclusion, it is clear from the graphs that, there are fluctuations in the number in both years. But male employees are more compared to females in almost all the sectors in the given years.
The line graphs illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in various employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
of the Republic of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fredonia
in the
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year
1975 and 1995. The
first
point to note is that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were occupied
in the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and wholesale and retail trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in both years.

Public
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sector
occupied the same
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in both two years
that is
840
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males
and 640
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in a thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. Wholesale and retail trade
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sector
stands close behind with 650 male and 460
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1975, while a slight reverse order in the
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year
1995 with 800
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females
and 650
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males
per thousand. Manufacturing section consumes almost an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in both years with 600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and half of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Interestingly
, almost an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in the
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year
1975 with 24% and 25%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
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males
respectively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to its double in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1995. This same trend
was shown
in finance and banking
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sector
.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
public
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sector
occupied the lowest
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number
with 10
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female
and 210 male
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workers
out of a thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1975 and 100
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females
and its double male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1995.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graphs that, there are fluctuations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in both years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
male
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employees
are more compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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