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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v.3

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 3
The line graphs provide data on the workforce in six different professions in the Republic of Freedonia in 1975 and 1995. As is observed, the graphs illustrate the progress of empowering women in the work market over the twenty years, even the number of females exceeded the number of males in some work fields. In 1975, the number of employed men was considerably higher compared to the number of women in all sectors, in particular, manufacturing, finance and banking and public sector (defence). By 1995 there was a significant increase in the number of working females in communication, finance and marketing and wholesale and retail trade, where the number of employed women in these sectors was around 250, 120 and 550 out of a thousand respectively and it rose by approximately 300 out of thousand in each sector. Taking into consideration the number of women surpassed the number of men in communication and wholesale and retail sectors, it is evident that women empowerment in employment sectors in Freedonia had significantly progressed in the given period.
The line graphs provide data on the workforce in six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions in the Republic of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
in 1975 and 1995. As
is observed
, the graphs illustrate the progress of empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the work market over the twenty years, even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of females exceeded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work fields.

In 1975, the
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number
of employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was
considerably
higher compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
,
in particular
, manufacturing, finance and banking and public
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sector
(
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
). By 1995 there was a significant increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of working females in communication, finance and marketing and wholesale and retail trade, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
was around 250, 120 and 550 out of a thousand
respectively
and it rose by approximately 300 out of thousand in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. Taking into consideration the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
surpassed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in communication and wholesale and retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment in employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
had
significantly
progressed in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
175 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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