Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v.7

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 7
The provided line graphs compare the number of male and female workers in 6 broad job sectors of Freedonia. As is presented in the two line graphs, women have made a significant improvement in Freedonian job sectors over the 20 years. Initially, in 1975, men were ahead in all job sectors than women. In manufacturing job fields, around 220 women were employed while the number of male employees was well over 600 per thousand. Men were ahead of women in terms of their involvement in jobs in all of the mentioned 6 broad sectors. In Finance/ Banking, wholesale & retail trade, non-defense public sector, women were far more behind than their male counterpart. Only in communications sector women were close to men. Among 1000 employees in defence public sector women were less than 50 where men were around 250. The first graph thus depicts the men and women workforce in Freedonia in 1975. But after 20 years in 1995, the scenario had changed significantly. Women crossed men in terms of their job involvement in communication and wholesale & retail trade. In defence, the number of women workers doubled that the number of 1975, whereas the number of men had decreased to 200. In non-defence sector, the differences had not changed that much but in communications and Finance/ Banking sector women have done significant improvement compared to their number 20 years back. In summary, women in Freedonia had done a remarkable progress in job sectors and in some cases had superseded their male counterparts.
The provided line graphs compare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and female workers in 6 broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
. As
is presented
in the two line graphs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have made a significant improvement in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
over the 20 years.

Initially
, in 1975,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were ahead in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
fields, around 220
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were employed
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male employees was well over 600 per thousand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
were ahead of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in terms of their involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
mentioned 6 broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. In Finance/ Banking, wholesale & retail trade, non-defense public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were far more behind than their male counterpart.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in communications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were close to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Among 1000 employees in
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were less than 50 where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were around 250. The
first
graph
thus
depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
workforce in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
in 1975.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after 20 years in 1995, the scenario had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
crossed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in terms of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
involvement in communication and wholesale & retail trade. In
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
workers doubled that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of 1975, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
had decreased to 200. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, the differences had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
that much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in communications and Finance/ Banking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have done significant improvement compared to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
20 years back.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
had done
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "remarkable progress".
a remarkable progress
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases had superseded their male counterparts.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. v. 7

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts