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The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 5
The bar charts show data about computer ownership, with a further classification by level of education, from 2002 to 2010. A steady but significant rise can be seen in the percentage of the population that owned a computer over the period. Just over half the population owned computers in 2002, whereas by 2010 three out of four people had a home computer. An analysis of the data by level of education shows that higher levels of education correspond to higher levels of computer ownership in both of those years. In 2002, only around 15% of those who did not finish high school had a computer but this figure had trebled by 2010. There were also considerable increases, of approximately 30 percentage points, for those with a high school diploma or an unfinished college education (reaching 65% and 85% respectively in 2010). However, graduates and postgraduates proved to have the greatest level of ownership in 2010, at 90% and 95% respectively, 20 percentage points higher than in 2002. The last decade has seen a substantial growth in computer ownership in general, and across all educational levels.
The bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
data about computer
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ownership
, with a
further
classification by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, from 2002 to 2010.

A steady
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
significant rise can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the percentage of the population that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a computer over the period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
over half the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computers in 2002, whereas by 2010 three out of four
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had a home computer. An analysis of the data by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
correspond to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in both of those years. In 2002,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 15% of those who did not finish high school had a computer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this figure had trebled by 2010. There were
also
considerable increases, of approximately 30 percentage points, for those with a high school diploma or an unfinished college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
(reaching 65% and 85%
respectively
in 2010).

However
, graduates and postgraduates proved to have the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in 2010, at 90% and 95%
respectively
, 20 percentage points higher than in 2002. The last decade has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a substantial growth in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in general
, and across all educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by the level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. v. 5

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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