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The graphs below compare the number ò cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graphs below compare the number ò cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004.
The two charts given demonstrate the number of cosmetic procedures conducted on males and females in Korea in 2004. The differences in the types of surgeries and the amount of operations between the two genders can be clearly seen. There is no surprise that plastic procedures are preferred by women. The most popular type of surgery they chose was eyelid, with a number of 320000, approximately. Rhinoplasty came second. The times this was done was about 280000. Breast enlargement and surgery type liposuction were least taken. Respectively, there were 150000 and 120000 times these procedures were selected. In comparison to women, the quantity of cosmetic surgery taken by the counterpart was by far less. The records shown there were 50000 hair transplantation operations taken by men, which make it the most favorite among them. This was more than six times less than the most picked by women. Abdominoplasty and surgery type were not as popular as the rest. The former was carried out about 20000 times and the latter had a number of 18000. It is obvious that both gender preferred laser skin resurfacing and rhinoplasty. On the contrary, liposuction, breast enlargement and eyelid surgery were taken by women only; while men chose hair transplantation executively.
The two charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
demonstrate the number of cosmetic procedures conducted on males and females in Korea in 2004. The differences in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of surgeries and the amount of operations between the two genders can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

There is no surprise that plastic procedures
are preferred
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of surgery they chose was eyelid, with a number of 320000, approximately. Rhinoplasty came second. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
this
was done
was about 280000. Breast enlargement and surgery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
liposuction were least taken.
Respectively
, there were 150000 and 120000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
these procedures
were selected
.

In comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, the quantity of cosmetic surgery taken by the counterpart was by far less. The records shown there were 50000 hair transplantation operations taken by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it the most favorite among them. This was more than six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
less than the most picked by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abdominoplasty
and surgery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
were not as popular as the rest. The former
was carried
out about 20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and the latter had a number of 18000.

It is obvious that both gender preferred laser skin resurfacing and rhinoplasty.
On the contrary
, liposuction, breast enlargement and eyelid surgery
were taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
; while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
chose hair transplantation
Possible spelling mistake found.
executively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS academic The graphs below compare the number ò cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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