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The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010 v.2

The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010 v. 2
This graph illustrates the percentage of the coal-origin energy among four European countries between 1995 and 2010. Overall, all lines were trending down, while the figures of Denmark and Germany both go down significantly, other two have a less significant decrease. Denmark started with the highest percentage of power produced from coal stood at 60% in 1995 but dropped down to 10 % and became the lowest out of four nations by the year 2010. The rate of energy in German followed a similar pattern though unlike Denmark it hit bottom at around 5% in 2007 and rose dramatically to surpass Denmark in 2010. The trends for both Sweden and France’s energy production from coal are the same. Both figures share two periods of downward, one period of upward and two plateaus. Right after 2001, Sweden became the country with highest coal-based energy proportion and the second place belong to France at some point between 2003 and 2004.
This graph illustrates the percentage of the coal-origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
among four European countries between 1995 and 2010.

Overall
, all lines were trending down, while the figures of Denmark and Germany both go down
significantly
, other two have a less significant decrease.

Denmark
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the highest percentage of power produced from coal stood at 60% in 1995
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
to 10 % and became the lowest out of four nations by the year 2010. The rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in German followed a similar pattern though unlike Denmark it hit bottom at around 5% in 2007 and rose
dramatically
to surpass Denmark in 2010.

The trends for both Sweden and France’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
production from coal are the same. Both figures share two periods of downward, one period of upward and two plateaus. Right after 2001, Sweden became the country with highest coal-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
proportion and the second place belong to France at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point between 2003 and 2004.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Frank Smith

IELTS academic The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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