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The graph shows the number of trips which was done by children in one country in 1990 and in 2010 travel to and from by using various types of transports. v.2

The graph shows the number of trips which was done by children in one country in 1990 and in 2010 travel to and from by using various types of transports. v. 2
The column bar chart illustrates the number of trips done by the school children who went and came back from a country using different types of transports in two decades 1990 and 2010. At the onset, it is clear that children used to walk a lot for traveling in the previous decade, while in the last decade, juveniles made lots of trips on the car. Now, turning into the details, In 1990, the number of trips, which accounted for more than 12 million in a year, was done by teenagers by walking on foot, however, the number of trips made by car, was only just above 4 million per year. Furthermore, there was an approximately similar number of trips done by children through cycling, which was roughly 6. 1 million per year, and walking or using the bus, which accounted for just below 6 million per year. Besides that, the number of trips by children through bus was almost 7 million per year. In 2010, the greater number of trips was done by the car among children almost 11 million per year, while the number of trips was covered on foot exactly 6 million. Although the number of trips plunged at 2 million per year, as it was done by cycling, the number of trips made by both on walking and driving was 3 million per year, and by bus was 5 million per year. Finally, children visited more in 1990 than in 2010.
The column bar chart illustrates the
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number
of
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trips
done by the school
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children
who went and came back from a country using
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different
types of transports in two decades 1990 and 2010.

At the onset, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to walk a lot for traveling in the previous decade, while in the last decade, juveniles made lots of
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trips
on the car.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, turning into the
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details
, In 1990, the
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number
of
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trips
, which accounted for more than 12
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million
in a
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year
,
was done
by
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teenagers
by walking on foot,
however
, the
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number
of
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trips
made by car, was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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just
above 4
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million
per
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year
.
Furthermore
, there was an approximately similar
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number
of
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trips
done by
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children
through cycling, which was roughly 6. 1
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million
per
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year
, and walking or using the bus, which accounted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 6
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million
per
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year
.
Besides
that, the
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number
of
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trips
by
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children
through bus was almost 7
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million
per year.

In 2010, the greater
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number
of
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trips
was done
by the car among
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children
almost 11
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million
per
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year
, while the
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number
of
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trips
was covered
on foot exactly 6
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million
. Although the
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number
of
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trips
plunged at 2
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million
per
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year
, as it
was done
by cycling, the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
made by both on walking and driving was 3
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million
per
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year
, and by bus was 5
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million
per year.

Finally
,
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children
visited more in 1990 than in 2010.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS academic The graph shows the number of trips which was done by children in one country in 1990 and in 2010 travel to and from by using various types of transports. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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