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The graph shows the number of enquiries received by a tourist information office of a city over a 6 months period in 2011. v.1

The graph shows the number of enquiries received by a tourist information office of a city over a 6 months period in 2011. v. 1
The given line graph illustrates the volumes of queries which were received by three means at a tourist information office in the first 6 months of the year 2011. Overall, enquiries made in person and those done by the telephone increased significantly from the third month, while those received by mail went in opposite direction from the same time. In January, people made over 400 enquiries in person, while nearly 800 letters were received seeking information about the office. Questions coming through the telephone were almost 800. But by the next one month, information sought by phone and in person were 800 and 600 respectively, whereas emails showed a slight but insignificant downward shift from where it had been earlier. In March, the curve representing face to face enquiries overtook that of mails, which remained immune to changes, and sat exactly on 800. That of phone calls, on the other hand, shifted to the next line, 1000, and remained there. April saw the birth of many changes. From then, a huge difference is noticed in the three kinds of queries received by the noted tourist office. While in person and telephone enquiries rose steadily, seating above 1800 and on 1600 in June, the number of written queries fell until it maintained a level below 400.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph illustrates the volumes of queries which were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
received
by three means at a tourist information office in the
first
6 months of the year 2011.

Overall
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
made in
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person
and those done by the telephone increased
significantly
from the third month, while those
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received
by mail went in opposite direction from the same time.

In January,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
made over 400
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
in
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person
, while
nearly
800 letters were
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received
seeking information about the office. Questions coming through the telephone were almost 800.
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But
by the
next
one month, information sought by phone and in
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person
were 800 and 600
respectively
, whereas emails
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a slight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
insignificant downward shift from where it had been earlier. In March, the curve representing face to face
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
overtook that of mails, which remained immune to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, and sat exactly on 800. That of phone calls,
on the other hand
, shifted to the
next
line, 1000, and remained there.

April
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the birth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. From then, a huge difference
is noticed
in the three kinds of queries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
received
by the noted tourist office. While in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and telephone
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
rose
steadily
, seating above 1800 and on 1600 in June, the number of written queries fell until it maintained a level below 400.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS academic The graph shows the number of enquiries received by a tourist information office of a city over a 6 months period in 2011. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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