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The graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information office made by telephone, letter/email, and in person from January 2001 to June 2001. v.1

The graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information office made by telephone, letter/email, and in person from January 2001 to June 2001. v. 1
The line graph outlines the number of queries a tourist information centre received during the first half of 2001 via phone calls and letter/electronic mails as well as questionings made by people in person. Generally speaking, people started making more enquiries in person after March 2001 while email and letter query dropped. As the graph suggests, the tourist information office received around 1800 enquiries from people in January 2001 of which the maximum came through phones. Against 800 phone queries at that time they got 600 emails and letters and 400 in-person visits from people regarding information. The number of emails or postal queries dropped over the period and in June the office received only 200 such queries, one-third than that of starting of the year. Interestingly, more people visited the office to log their questions and this number reached to 1200 in the middle of the year. Though telephone enquiries were predominant at the beginning of the year, they remained constant between January and April. Afterwards, the telephone enquiries got higher and reached to about 1100 in June 2001, slightly lower than the number of enquiries made in person. The total number of such prove made by people to this tourist office increased to nearly 2500, almost 500 more enquiries than that of January.
The line graph outlines the
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number
of
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queries
a tourist information
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
received during the
first
half of 2001 via phone calls and letter/electronic mails
as well
as questionings made by
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people
in person.
Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
making more
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
in person after March 2001 while email and letter
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query
dropped.

As the graph suggests, the tourist information
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office
received around 1800
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
from
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people
in January 2001 of which the maximum came through phones. Against 800 phone
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queries
at that time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
600 emails and letters and 400 in-person visits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding information. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of emails or postal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
queries
dropped over the period and in June the
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office
received
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
200 such
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queries
, one-third than that of starting of the year.
Interestingly
, more
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people
visited the
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office
to log their questions and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
reached to 1200 in the middle of the year. Though telephone
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
were predominant at the beginning of the year, they remained constant between January and April. Afterwards, the telephone
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher and reached to about 1100 in June 2001,
slightly
lower than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
made in person. The total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of such prove made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to this tourist
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office
increased to
nearly
2500, almost 500 more
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
than that of January.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of enquiries to tourist information office made by telephone, letter/email, and in person from January 2001 to June 2001. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
215 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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