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The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by theTourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. v.1

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by theTourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. v. 1
The given line graph shows amount of enquiries which sent to tourist information office by telephone, letter or email and or by person between january until june in a year 2011. It is clear that although in first month of year enquiries recvied in a person was lower than other opportunities, which sending enquiries by telephone was popular way but at end of graph the trend for in person overtook other figures. In January number of enquiries recvied by 3 different ways was lower than 1000, furthermore  after month number of enquiries received by telephone saw considerable decline although enquiries which sent by email or letter remaind fairly stabe for 3 monthes at 700, moreover acoording to graph for the rest of month number of enquiries reached to  tourism post office by person sharply rose from approximately 400 at first month to over than 1800 at end of graph, Although sending enquiries by email was second popular way but at the end declined to under 400. According to graph figure for telephone enquiries witnessed stability and decline but for the end graph numbers experienced growth to 1600 enquiries.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
amount of
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enquiries
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to tourist information office by
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telephone
, letter or email and or by
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person
between
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january
until
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june
in a year 2011.

It is
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clear
that although in
first
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month
of year
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
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recvied
in a
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person
was lower than other opportunities, which sending
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
by
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telephone
was
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popular
way
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but
at
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end
of
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graph
the trend for in
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person
overtook other figures.

In January
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number
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquiries' is British English.
enquiries
Possible spelling mistake found.
recvied
by 3
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different
ways was lower than 1000,
furthermore
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after
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month
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number
of
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enquiries
received by
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telephone
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saw
considerable decline although
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enquiries
which
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sent
by email or letter
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remaind
fairly
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stabe
for 3
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monthes
at 700,
moreover
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acoording
to
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graph
for the rest of
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month
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number
of
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enquiries
reached to
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tourism post office by
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person
sharply
rose from approximately 400 at
first
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month
to over than 1800 at
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end
of
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graph
, Although sending
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enquiries
by email was second popular way
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but
at the
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end
declined to under 400. According to
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graph
figure for
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telephone
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enquiries
witnessed stability and decline
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but
for the
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end
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graph
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numbers
experienced growth to 1600
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enquiries
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by theTourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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