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some people believe that school should reward students on their academic performances. Anothers said that only students with the best score are be able to rewarded. discuss both view and give opinion. v.2

some people believe that school should reward students on their academic performances. Anothers said that only students with the best score are be able to rewarded. v. 2
Nowadays, school should reward for the students who have the best final result or the students having the most improved process has been a controversial topic for a long time. Some people say that academic performance is the most reasonable way to reward while others, include me argue that the first statement is extremely deserve. On the one hand, there are more and more schools taking the improvement into consideration that brings lots of advantages which no one can deny completely. At first, everyone is given the same oppoturnities to express themselves and achieve prizes, unexcept students with bad result. they will try their best and work even more harder to show to dramatic advancement. moreover, without the score pressure, students can stay out of stressful and learning by their heart, instead of beeing so sensitive about the points. On the other hand, when the benefits of final result are taken into consideration, I believe that are much more essential. The first reason is the toppers always have to attempt more extremely than others to get the prizes, rewarding either improved students can make them feel beeing equated and unfair. As a result, when all they hard works are not respected, there are no more reasons for them to motivate anymore. Secondly, that solution creates an obvious goal for students so they can get used to highly intense pressure. Consequently, they can adapt to a new environment more easily, especially when they study aboard. moreover, rewarding in this way not only brings about benefits for students but also help schools to develop. Thanks to this solvement, schools will recognize the gifted to nurture and develop their talents to attend important international competition more effectively. In conclusion, rewarding students has been a phenomenon topic for a century. Althought many advantages that giving prizes for academic performances brings about, others, include me, support that the rest solution is much more reasonable.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should reward for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have the best final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
process has been a controversial topic for a long time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that academic performance is the most reasonable way to reward while others, include me argue that the
first
statement is
extremely
Consider using a past participle here: "deserved".
deserve
.

On the one hand, there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
taking the improvement into consideration that brings lots of advantages which no one can deny completely. At
first
, everyone is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppoturnities
to express themselves and achieve prizes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
unexcept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will try their best and work even
Use only "harder" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more harder
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to dramatic advancement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, without the score pressure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can stay out of stressful and learning by their heart,
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
beeing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sensitive about the points.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when the benefits of final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
are taken
into consideration, I believe that are much more essential. The
first
reason is the toppers always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attempt more
extremely
than others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the prizes, rewarding either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
beeing
equated and unfair. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, when all they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works are not respected, there are no more reasons for them to motivate anymore.
Secondly
, that solution creates an obvious goal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
highly
intense pressure.
Consequently
, they can adapt to a new environment more
easily
,
especially
when they study aboard.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, rewarding in this way not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings about benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to develop. Thanks to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
solvement
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will recognize the gifted to nurture and develop their talents to attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
international competition more
effectively
.

In conclusion
, rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has been a phenomenon topic for a century.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that giving prizes for academic performances brings about, others, include me, support that the rest solution is much more reasonable.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS academic some people believe that school should reward students on their academic performances. Anothers said that only students with the best score are be able to rewarded. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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