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The graph shows changes of amount and type of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia from 1975 to 2000. v.2

The graph shows changes of amount and type of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia from 1975 to 2000. v. 2
The line graph illustrates the figures of amount and types of instant food consumed by teenagers in Australia over the period of 25 years. At the first glance, the consumption of fish and chips dropped gradually from 19745 to 2000 whereas the amount of times that hamburger and pizza were bought and eaten increased. In 1975, the most popular all-ready food in Australia was fish and chips, which was eaten 100 times per year. This was higher than the consumption of pizza and hamburger which just approximately 5 times a year. However, apart from the brief rise again from 1980 to 1985, the consumption of fish and chips reduced continually over 25 year timescale to finish at just 40 times a year. In sharp contrast to this, Australian teenagers ate two other types of fast food at higher levels. There was an rapid increase in pizza consumption until it overtook the figure of fish and chips in 1990, at over 60 times a year. Then it remained stable from 1995 to 2000. The biggest rise was seen in the consumption of hamburger, which has sharp growth from 1975 to 1980, exceeded fish and chips in 1985. It finished at the same level that fish and chips began, with 100 times of consumption annually.
The line graph illustrates the figures of amount and types of instant food consumed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in Australia over the period of 25 years.

At the
first
glance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of fish and chips dropped
gradually
from 19745 to 2000 whereas the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
that hamburger and pizza were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
and eaten increased.

In 1975, the most popular all-ready food in Australia was fish and chips, which
was eaten
100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. This was higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of pizza and hamburger which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
approximately 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
However
, apart from the brief rise again from 1980 to 1985, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of fish and chips
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
continually
over 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
Possible agreement error. The noun 'timescale' seems to be countable, so consider using: "timescales".
timescale
to finish at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a year.

In sharp contrast to this, Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
ate two other types of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food at higher levels. There was
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
rapid increase in pizza
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
until it overtook the figure of fish and chips in 1990, at over 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Then it remained stable from 1995 to 2000. The biggest rise was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of hamburger, which has sharp growth from 1975 to 1980, exceeded fish and chips in 1985. It finished at the same level that fish and chips began, with 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
annually
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph shows changes of amount and type of fast food consumed by teenagers in Australia from 1975 to 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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