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The graph shows that the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v.2

The graph shows that the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v. 2
The line graph reveals the need for electric power in England during distinctive days in winter and summer, And the circular chart illustrates how power is used in a normal English house. Data is calibrated in percentage and number of units use per hour. It can be clearly seen that, In winter Initial units of electricity is almost the double of the units used in summer. From 0 to 6 hours use of units of electricity first increase and than decrease in winter but in summer use of units is decreased slowly and reaches to 30, 000 and 12000 respectively. Moreover from 6 hours, the demand of electricity is increased more than 40, 000 units per hour and then steadily decreased to its initial value. Whereas units used in summer fluctuate arround its initial value. Moving further to pie chart, Most of the light in England Is used for heating room and heating water. As well as 17. 5%Electricity is used in ovens, kettles and in washing machines. Equal amount of light is used for other electronic tools such as radio, TV, lighting etcetera. From overall analysis, it is clear that light is more Used in winter and almost half of the light is used to heat rooms or to heat water.
The line graph reveals the need for electric power in England during distinctive days in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
, And the circular chart illustrates how power is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a normal English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Data
is calibrated
in percentage and number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
per hour.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
Initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is almost the double of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
. From 0 to 6 hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
first
increase and
Did you mean "then"?
than
decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
is decreased
slowly
and reaches to 30, 000 and 12000
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
from 6 hours, the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is increased
more than 40, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
per hour and then
steadily
decreased to its initial value.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
fluctuate
Possible spelling mistake found.
arround
its initial value.

Moving
further
to pie chart, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
in England Is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for heating room and heating water.
As well
as 17.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
5%Electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in ovens, kettles and in washing machines. Equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other electronic tools such as radio, TV, lighting etcetera.

From
overall
analysis, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
and almost half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
light
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to heat rooms or to heat water.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS academic The graph shows that the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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