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The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v.4

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v. 4
The line graph compares the electricity demand in England during a regular day in winter and in summer while the pie chart shows the usages of the electricity. Generally speaking, during the winter season, the demand for electricity was much higher than that of the summer in England. During a typical day during winter, the average electricity requirement was around 35 thousand units while this demand was about 16 thousand units during a summer day. Again the electricity requirement fluctuates during the different hours of a typical day and this demand seems lowest in early morning and highest at late night. Based on the pie chart data it can be clearly seen that room and water heating require more than half of the total electricity usages. Washing machines, kettle and ovens consume around 18% electricity while lighting houses, watching TV and listening to radio require 15% of the total electricity. Finally, the same percentage, 15% of electricity, is consumed by English people for running vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric devices.
The line graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in England during a regular day in winter and in summer while the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the usages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
Generally
speaking, during
Consider using "winter".
the winter season
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was much higher than that of the summer in England.

During a typical day during winter, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
requirement was around 35 thousand units while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
was about 16 thousand units during a summer day. Again the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
requirement fluctuates during the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hours of a typical day and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
seems lowest in early morning and highest at late night.

Based on the pie chart data it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that room and water heating require more than half of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
usages. Washing machines, kettle and ovens consume around 18%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
while lighting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, watching TV and listening to radio require 15% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
Finally
, the same percentage, 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
,
is consumed
by English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for running vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric devices.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
171 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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