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The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v.1

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v. 1
The given graphs show the electricity demand in England in a typical day of winter and summer and also show how people used this electricity. According to the first line graph, we can see that the electricity demand in winter is much higher than the demand in summer in England. In a typical day, the electricity demand in winter season is around 35000 units and it is around 18000 units in the summer season. Again the demand for the electricity varies on several hours of the day and the demand from 6: 00 to 9: 00 am is lesser than the demand in other hours of the day. During the winter the demand is highest from 21: 00 to 23: 00 and during summer the demand is highest from 13: 00 to 14: 00 hours. Based on the pie chart we can infer that the room heating and water heating is the main purpose people consume the electricity in England. The demand for washing machine, kettle and ovens consume around 18% of total electricity consumed and two other categories consume 15% electricity each. These two other categories which consume 30% of total electricity include light, TV, Radio, vacuum cleaner, food mixer and other electric told and devices.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
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electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in England in a typical day of
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winter
and
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summer
and
also
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show
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this
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electricity
. According to the
first
line graph, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
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electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
is much higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
in England.

In a typical day, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
season is around 35000 units and it is around 18000 units in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
season. Again the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
varies on several hours of the day and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
from 6: 00 to 9: 00 am is lesser than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in
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other
hours of the day. During the
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winter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
is highest from 21: 00 to 23: 00 and during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
is highest from 13: 00 to 14: 00 hours.

Based on the pie chart we can infer that the room heating and water heating is the main purpose
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people
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consume
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in England. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for washing machine, kettle and ovens
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consume
around 18% of total
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electricity
consumed and two
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other
categories
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consume
15%
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electricity
each. These two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
categories which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
30% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
include light, TV, Radio, vacuum cleaner, food mixer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electric
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
and devices.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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