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The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. v.2

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. v. 2
The chart illustrates the percentage of females in terms of six different age groups, who gave birth to their first child between 1966, 1986 and 2006. Overall, it can be seen that the proportion of young adults group decreased in the years given, while this trend is converted in the older age groups. From the database, most women gave birth to their first child when they were from 20 to 34 years old. In 1996, the 20-24 years old group had the highest percentage of women, which was above 60%, whereas, the middle age group had the least percentage of women who gave birth their first child. The 25-30 years old group and 19 and under group had a similar proportion of women, at around 35%. There was only 13% of women between 30-34 years old decided to have their first child, which was approximately 7% higher than the 34 to 39 ages group. In the next 40 years, there was a significant fall in the number of young females when it came to giving birth to their first baby. By contrast, women who were in the middle increase significantly. Likewise, a considerable rise in the number of women from 25 to 30 years old to 52% in 1986, before dropped to around 43% at the end of the period.
The chart illustrates the percentage of females in terms of six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
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groups
, who gave
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birth
to their
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first
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child
between 1966, 1986 and 2006.

Overall
, it can be
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seen
that the proportion of young adults
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group
decreased in the years
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given
, while this trend
is converted
in the older
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age
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groups
. From the database, most
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women
gave
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birth
to their
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first
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child
when they were from 20 to 34 years
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old
.

In 1996, the 20-24 years
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old
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group
had the highest percentage of
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women
, which was above 60%, whereas, the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
had the least percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who gave
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birth
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. The 25-30 years
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old
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group
and 19 and under
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group
had a similar proportion of
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women
, at around 35%. There was
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only
13% of
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women
between 30-34 years
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old
decided to have their
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first
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child
, which was approximately 7% higher than the 34 to 39
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ages
group.

In the
next
40 years, there was a significant fall in the number of young females when it came to giving
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birth
to their
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first
baby. By contrast,
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women
who were in the middle increase
significantly
.
Likewise
, a considerable rise in the number of
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women
from 25 to 30 years
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old
to 52% in 1986,
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before
dropped to around 43% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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