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The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001. v.1

The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001. v. 1
The line graph gives data on the proportion of children with respects to the total young population in the UK between 1990 and 2001. The proportion of children are categories in four age groups. Overall, the ratio of infants, between 0 to 4 years old, declined over the period while 10 to 14 years youngsters’ percentage increased in the UK. As can be seen in the diagram, just over a quarter of the UK children was 15 to 19 years old in 1990 while a similar proportion was 0 to 4 years old at that time. Just over 24% of young British were between 5 to 9 years old while 23% of them were 10 to 14 years old. With an increase from 1990 to 1992, the proportion of infants kept on decreasing and in 2001 accounted for over 23% of total youth. With a steady slump till 1996, 15-19 years old constituted a quarter of young British in 2001. Moving further, 10-14 years British dominated the young generation in the UK with a steady increase in their percentage in later years despite their least proportion in early years. Finally, 5-9 years British children were over 26% during 1995-1997 but their ratio declined and finally stood at just over 25% in 2001.
The line graph gives data on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
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children
with respects to the total
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young
population in the UK between 1990 and 2001. The
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proportion
of
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children
Did you mean "is"?
are
categories in four age groups.
Overall
, the ratio of infants,
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 0 and 4".
between 0 to 4
years
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old
, declined
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over
the period while 10 to 14 years youngsters’ percentage increased in the UK.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the diagram,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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over
a quarter of the UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was 15 to 19 years
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old
in 1990 while a similar
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proportion
was 0 to 4 years
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old
at that time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
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over
24% of
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young
British were
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 5 and 9".
between 5 to 9
years
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old
while 23% of them were 10 to 14 years
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old
. With an increase from 1990 to 1992, the
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proportion
of infants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on decreasing and in 2001 accounted for
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over
23% of total youth. With a steady slump till 1996, 15-19 years
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old
constituted a quarter of
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young
British in 2001.

Moving
further
, 10-14 years British dominated the
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young
generation in the UK with a steady increase in their percentage in later years despite their least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
in early years.
Finally
, 5-9 years British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
26% during 1995-1997
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their ratio declined and
finally
stood at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25% in 2001.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The graph shows children by age group as a percentage of the young population in the United Kingdom between 1990 and 2001. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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