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The graph illustrates differences between computer ownership by education level. Write an essay with at least 150 words to describe it. v.2

The graph illustrates differences between computer ownership by education level. Write an essay with at least 150 words to describe it. v. 2
The graph compares changes in the people who own computers by education level. It’s clear that the computer ownership increased between 2002 and 2010. However, Post-Graduate Qualification had the highest percentage of people owning computers. In 2002, the number of people who own computers after graduated is approximately 75 percent. This number rose to a new peak just below 90 percent in 2010. In contrast, the number of people who don’t have a high school diploma had the lowest number of computer owners, in 2002, the number people who posess computers was only above 10 percent. However, the figures rose significantly comparing to other charts when it reached above 40 percent in 2010. The number of people who graduated highschool and have computers increased from 39 percent to nearly 70 percent. Both numbers of people studying in colleges and owning a bachelor’s degree tended to rise and both increased from just below 60 percent to above 80 percent.
The graph compares
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computers by education level. It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the computer
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ownership


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
increased
between 2002 and 2010.
However
, Post-Graduate Qualification had the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owning

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
computers
.

In 2002, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computers after graduated is approximately 75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
rose to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
a


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
new
peak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 90
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2010.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t have a high school diploma had
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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number
of computer owners, in 2002, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
posess
computers was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
above 10 percent.

However
, the figures rose
significantly
comparing to other charts when it reached above 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2010.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
graduated
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
and have computers increased from 39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to
nearly
70 percent.

Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying in colleges and owning a bachelor’s degree tended to rise and both increased from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
below
60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to above 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph illustrates differences between computer ownership by education level. Write an essay with at least 150 words to describe it. v. 2

Academic
  American English
10 paragraphs
158 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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