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the graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the Uk, 2000 - 2010. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant v.2

the graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the Uk, 2000 - 2010.
the graph illustrates information about the proportion of people who employed in three different sectors in UK, over a ten-year period between 2000 and 2010. Overall, what stands out is that there were considerable increases in both of private sector and self-employed sector, whereas people who worked in public sector saw a substantial fall. Another interesting point is that in 2000, public sector had the highest proportion but in 2010, the figure of private sector was higher than the others. In terms of self-employed sector, it began at almost 20% in 2000 and the rose slightly at 20% in 2005 before saw a considerable upward trend, reached a pick at 30% in 2010. Likewise, approximately 40% of people worked in private sector in the first year, after that the figure flutuated and increased to a high of just over 50% in 2010. In contrast, public sector accounted for nearly 50% of the employees in 2000. Then, there was a dramatical decrease to low of 20% in 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
graph illustrates information about the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who employed in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in UK, over a ten-year period between 2000 and 2010.

Overall
, what stands out is that there were considerable increases in both of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who worked in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a substantial fall. Another interesting point is that in 2000, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
had the highest proportion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2010, the figure of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was higher than the others.

In terms of self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, it began at almost 20% in 2000 and the rose
slightly
at 20% in 2005
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a considerable upward trend, reached a pick at 30% in 2010.
Likewise
, approximately 40% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worked in private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in the
first
year, after that the figure
Possible spelling mistake found.
flutuated
and increased to a high of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 50% in 2010.

In contrast
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
accounted for
nearly
50% of the employees in 2000. Then, there was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
decrease to low of 20% in 2010.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic the graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the Uk, 2000 - 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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