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The graph below shows usual water usage in millions of cubic meters by industries in some countries in a year v.7

The graph below shows usual water usage in millions of cubic meters by industries in some countries in a year v. 7
The graph depicts how much water the industries in some countries use in a year measured by millions of cubic meters. The sources are from ground and water for public usage. The chemicals industry is in the top position in using both groundwater and water from the public supply( 430 million from groundwater and 240 million from the public supply). The metal and paper industry waste 300 and 210 million cubic water respectively. The former industry utilizes significantly more water from ground sources than the publicly available supply. The fuel industry spent the lowest amount of water (80 million cubics). Then the textile industry stays in second from the bottom( 90 million cubics). Both of these industries spend the lowest amount of water from the public supply( 10 million cubics). The third in terms of lowest water usage position belongs to Machinery which spends significantly more water from the public supply.
The graph depicts how much
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water
the
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industries
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in a year measured by
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millions
of cubic meters. The sources are from ground and
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water
for
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public
usage.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "chemicals'" or "chemical's"?
chemicals
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industry
is in the top position in using both groundwater and
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water
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
supply
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
430
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million
from groundwater and 240
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million
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply)
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
metal and paper
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industry
waste 300 and 210
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million
cubic
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water
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
former
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industry
utilizes
significantly
more
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water
from ground sources than the
publicly
available supply.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
fuel
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industry
spent the lowest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
(80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible spelling mistake found.
cubics
). Then the textile
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industry
stays in second from the bottom
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
90
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible spelling mistake found.
cubics
). Both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
spend the lowest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
supply
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible spelling mistake found.
cubics
). The third in terms of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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water
usage position belongs to Machinery which spends
significantly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The graph below shows usual water usage in millions of cubic meters by industries in some countries in a year v. 7

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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