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The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v.5

The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 5
The supplied illustration elucidates the water consumptions in seven different industries breaking down the figures for ground and public supply water. As is obvious, chemical industries use the largest portion of water while water consumption in fuel sector is the lowest. As is presented in the line graph, chemical, metal, paper, fuel and textile industries utilise more ground water than public supply water while food & beverage and machinery sectors do the opposite. The chemical industry is the largest consumer of both ground and supply water, 430 and 240 million cubic meters respectively. Metal industry, similarly, requires 330 cubic million water and 90 of it is supply water. Foods and drinks producers need 190 cubic million supply water and the rest of the industries do not use supply water that much. The lowest amount of water is required by the fuel industry while it is almost the same in textile sectors.   Finally, machinery producers heavily rely on public supply water though they use only 10 cubic million ground water.
The supplied illustration elucidates the
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water
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consumptions
in seven
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different
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industries
breaking down the figures for
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ground
and public
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supply
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water
. As is obvious, chemical
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industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the largest portion of
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water
while
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water
consumption in fuel sector is the lowest.

As
is presented
in the line graph, chemical, metal, paper, fuel and textile
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industries
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
more
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ground
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water
than public
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supply
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water
while food & beverage and machinery sectors do the opposite. The chemical
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industry
is the largest consumer of both
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ground
and
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supply
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water
, 430 and 240
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million
cubic meters
respectively
. Metal
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industry
,
similarly
, requires 330 cubic
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million
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water
and 90 of it is
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supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. Foods and drinks producers need 190 cubic
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and the rest of the
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industries
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
that much. The lowest amount of
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water
is required
by the fuel
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industry
while it is almost the same in textile sectors.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Finally
, machinery producers
heavily
rely on public
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supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
though they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 cubic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 5

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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