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The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v.6

The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 6
The bar chart compares the public water and groundwater consumptions in 7 industries. Overall, it can be seen that chemical industry uses the biggest volume of water. Moreover, almost all industries require groundwater than public supply water. In detail, chemical industry utilizes 670 million cubic metres water- 430m of this is from the groundwater and the remaining is from the public supply. This volume is less than half in the metal industry, 240 million and 90 million cubic metres groundwater and public supply water respectively. Textile, papers and fuel industries, on the other hand, consume the least volume of water from the public supply. To be specific, only about 10-20 million cubic meter water is consumed by these industries from public supply while 70-110 is from groundwater. In contrast, food and drinks industries consume more water from the public supply, 190 million cubic metres while only 110 from groundwater. Finally, machinery industry utilises 110 million cubic metres water of which 100 is public supply water.
The bar chart compares the
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public
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water
and groundwater
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consumptions
in 7
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industries
.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that chemical
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industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the biggest volume of
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water
.
Moreover
, almost all
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industries
require groundwater than
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public
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supply
water.

In detail, chemical
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industry
utilizes 670
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million
cubic
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metres
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water-
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "430 m"
430m
of this is from the groundwater and the remaining is from the
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public
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supply
. This volume is less than half in the metal
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industry
, 240
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million
and 90
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million
cubic
Possible spelling mistake. 'metres' is British English.
metres
groundwater and
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public
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supply
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water
respectively
. Textile, papers and fuel
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industries
,
on the other hand
, consume the least volume of
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water
from the
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public
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supply
. To be specific,
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only
about 10-20
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million
cubic meter
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water
is consumed
by these
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industries
from
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public
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supply
while 70-110 is from groundwater.

In contrast
, food and drinks
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industries
consume more
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water
from the
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public
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supply
, 190
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million
cubic
Possible spelling mistake. 'metres' is British English.
metres
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
110 from groundwater.
Finally
, machinery
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industry
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilise' and 'utilize') within a single text.
utilises
110
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million
cubic
Possible spelling mistake. 'metres' is British English.
metres
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water
of which 100 is
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 6

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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