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The graph below shows the way people of a country invested their money in stock market during the years 2001-2006. v.1

The graph below shows the way people of a country invested their money in stock market during the years 2001-2006. v. 1
The diagram illustrates how much money citizens of a country invested in the stock market from 2001 to 2006. The investment amount is given in billion and is categorised in bonds and stocks. A glance at the bar chart depicts that amount invested in stock market increased steadily over the time and people funded considerably more money in stocks than they did in bonds. As is presented in the graph, people bought bonds worth 100 billion and more than double than that of stocks in 2001. Next year the investment slightly raised both for bonds and stocks and went further up in 2003. People’s investment in stock went as high as 289 billion in 2004 compared to 162 billion in bonds. The same trend continued in the next two years and in 2006, total investment in stocks by the people of this country amounted over 300 billion, almost a 50% increase than that of 5 years earlier. In this year, people purchased bond worth 188 billion, around 120 billion less than that of stocks and exactly 88 billion more than that of 2001.
The diagram illustrates how much money citizens of a country invested in the stock market from 2001 to 2006. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
amount is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
and is
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
in bonds and stocks. A glance at the bar chart depicts that amount invested in stock market increased
steadily
over the time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
funded
considerably
more money in stocks than they did in bonds.

As
is presented
in the graph,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
bonds worth 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
and more than double than that of stocks in 2001.
Next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
slightly
raised both for bonds and stocks and went
further
up in 2003.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in stock went as high as 289
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in 2004 compared to 162
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in bonds. The same trend continued in the
next
two years and in 2006, total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in stocks by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this country amounted over 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
, almost a 50% increase than that of 5 years earlier. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
bond worth 188
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
, around 120
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
less than that of stocks and exactly 88
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
more than that of 2001.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the way people of a country invested their money in stock market during the years 2001-2006. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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