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The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010. v.1

The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010. v. 1
The bar chart illustrates how the Vietnamese telephone users grew during the year 2010. Overall, the telephone subscribers in Vietnam gradually increased throughout the in 2010. As is presented in the diagram, total Vietnamese telephone customers in January 2010 was over 115 million and this number increased by 3 million in February. With a slight drop, the subscription stood at around 118 million in March and then went as high as over 142 million in August 2010. Afterwards, total users dropped a bit before jumping over 144 million in October in this year. With a steady rise, total phone subscribers in Vietnam reached to over 153 million which was almost 40 million greater than the number of subscribers at the beginning of the year. It is worth noticing that the number of telephone subscribers in Vietnam progressively developed except in March and September when the telephone users actually declined than the preceding month and the largest number of new telephone users subscribed between June and July, roughly 7 million.
The bar chart illustrates how the Vietnamese
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telephone
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users
grew during the year 2010.
Overall
, the
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telephone
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subscribers
in Vietnam
gradually
increased throughout the in 2010.

As
is presented
in the diagram, total Vietnamese
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telephone
customers in January 2010 was
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over
115
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million
and this
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number
increased by 3
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million
in February. With a slight drop, the subscription stood at around 118
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million
in March and then went as high as
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over
142
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million
in August 2010. Afterwards, total
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users
dropped a bit
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before
jumping
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over
144
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million
in October in this year. With a steady rise, total phone
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subscribers
in Vietnam reached to
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over
153
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million
which was almost 40
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million
greater than the
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number
of
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subscribers
at the beginning of the year. It is worth noticing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
in Vietnam
progressively
developed except in March and September when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
actually declined than the preceding month and the largest
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number
of new
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
subscribed between June and July, roughly 7
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million
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows how the telephone subscribers in Vietnam developed throughout the year 2010. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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