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The graph below shows the purchasing of petrol by people from the United States and United Kingdom according to their salaries. v.2

The graph below shows the purchasing of petrol by people from the United States and United Kingdom according to their salaries. v. 2
The figure elucidates the number of petrol’s purchasing by individuals in two different nations regarding their incomes from the 1st week to the 4th week. At first glance, it is evident that the most noticeable changes occurred for the aspect of the persons who obtained low intakes. To begin with, there was a significant oscillation for the amount of medium revenues’ aspect between the first week, which made up approximately at a half of 60, and the fourth week, which constituted at just across three-fourths of 40. Following the same pattern as medium incomes’ aspects, the first week to the fourth week witnessed a slight palpitation for the total of high salaries’ aspect where it, initially, stood at well under 50, and achieved to well over two-thirds of 60 by the end of the period shown. In contrast, there was a dramatic upsurge in the total of low intakes’ aspect from the 1st week, which was roughly at four-sixths of 30, through to the 3rd week, which accounted for 90. Erratically, it plunged enormously, plummeting to 20 in the following week.
The figure elucidates the number of petrol’s purchasing by individuals in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations regarding their incomes from the 1st
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
to the 4th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. At
first
glance, it is evident that the most noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
occurred for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of the persons who obtained low intakes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there was a significant oscillation for the amount of medium revenues’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
between the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which made up approximately at a half of 60, and the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which constituted at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
across three-fourths of 40. Following the same pattern as medium incomes’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
to the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
witnessed a slight palpitation for the total of high salaries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
where it,
initially
, stood at well under 50, and achieved to well over two-thirds of 60 by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period shown.

In contrast
, there was a dramatic upsurge in the total of low intakes’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
from the 1st
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which was roughly at four-sixths of 30, through to the 3rd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, which accounted for 90.
Erratically
, it plunged
enormously
, plummeting to 20 in the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The graph below shows the purchasing of petrol by people from the United States and United Kingdom according to their salaries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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