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the first chart below show how the energy is used in an everage Autralian household. the second show the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons v.2

the first chart below show how the energy is used in an everage Autralian household. the second show the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use.
The given charts show us the consumption of energy in an Australian family, and the consequence of this energy use. As can be seen from the first chart, the proportion of the heating is the major source of energy usage, accounting for 42%, the largest percentage compared with others. Following that, the proportion of energy domestic needs of water heating, refrigeration, lighting, other applications is 30%, 7%, 4%, 20%, and 15% respectively. The smallest proportion of energy use is 2%, belong to cooling. Moving to the second chart, inspire of the largest usage of heating, it is the only one which has the greenhouse gas emission is lower than energy use, about 15 percentages. In the contrast, water heating is the main reason causes greenhouse gas emission. Proportion of water heating, cooling is 32%, 3% respectively. Especially, refrigeration, lighting, other applications is double increase 14%, 8%, and 28% respectively. To summarize, heating is the major source of domestic needs, causes 15 percentage of greenhouse gas emission. water heating is the main reason of greenhouse gas emission.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in an Australian family, and the consequence of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
first
chart, the
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proportion
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the major source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
usage, accounting for 42%, the largest percentage compared with others. Following that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
domestic needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, refrigeration, lighting, other applications is 30%, 7%, 4%, 20%, and 15%
respectively
. The smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is 2%, belong to cooling.

Moving to the second chart, inspire of the largest usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one which has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
is lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, about 15 percentages. In the contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the main reason causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, cooling is 32%, 3%
respectively
.
Especially
, refrigeration, lighting, other applications is double increase 14%, 8%, and 28%
respectively
.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the major source of domestic needs, causes 15 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the main reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic the first chart below show how the energy is used in an everage Autralian household. the second show the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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