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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.7

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 7
The presented line graph demonstrates proportion of senior citizen in the USA, Japan, and Sweden in a century period between 1940 and 2040. In general, there has been an increase of elder population in all countries observed since 1940 and is predicted to jump up gradually until 2040. Looking at the detail, in Sweden, the population of seniors had gradually increased since 1940. It was about 7% in 1940 and has been improved gradually year to year. Furthermore, it is forecasted that the proportion will keep growing and will hit nearly four times higher, about 25%, in 2040. On the other hand, the USA also showed a rise in the proportion of elderly. It was only started at about 9% in 1940 and has been swelled essentially and is predicted to hit 20% in 2014. Meanwhile, Japan showed an incredible trend of proportion. It was about 5% in 1940 and slowly had declined until around 2005 when it reached almost the same figure as in 1940, and has been dramatically increased and will rise continually to over 5 times higher, around 27%, in 2040.
The presented line graph demonstrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of senior citizen in the USA, Japan, and Sweden in a century period between 1940 and 2040.
In general
, there has been an increase of elder population in all countries observed since 1940 and
is predicted
to jump up
gradually
until 2040.

Looking at the detail, in Sweden, the population of seniors had
gradually
increased since 1940. It was about 7% in 1940 and has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
gradually
year to year.

Furthermore
, it
is forecasted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
growing and will hit
nearly
four times higher, about 25%, in 2040.
On the other hand
, the USA
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of elderly. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at about 9% in 1940 and has
been swelled
essentially
and
is predicted
to hit 20% in 2014.

Meanwhile, Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an incredible trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
. It was about 5% in 1940 and
slowly
had declined until around 2005 when it reached almost the same figure as in 1940, and has been
dramatically
increased and will rise
continually
to over 5 times higher, around 27%, in 2040.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 7

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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