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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 5
The line graph depicts the percentage of senior citizens, who are older than 65 years, over a century in three countries, namely- the United States, Sweden and Japan, from 1940 and also gives projection till 2040. A glance at the graph makes it clear that Japan will have more percentage of the aged population in the future despite its fewer percentage of this population in the early 40s and one-fourth of the world population will be older people in 2040. The illustration shows that the average old population in 1940 was between 5 to 10 percent in all the three countries and the USA had the highest percentage of aged people while it was lowest in Japan. The ageing population in the USA grew steadily and reached up to 15% in the year 2000. It is expected to be doubled and reach nearly 25% in 2040. Similarly, in Sweden, the percentage of aged people grew from about 7% in 1940 to 15% in 2000 and is heading towards 25% in 2040. In contrast, the aged population in Japan remained the lowest, which was less than 5% until 2005 and expected to grow and reach the highest point, about 30 percentage, in 2040. The graph clearly reveals that the ratio of aged population will increase in 2040 and almost one of every four citizens in these three countries would be over 65 years old in 2040.
The line graph depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of senior citizens, who are older than 65 years, over a century in three countries,
namely
- the United States, Sweden and
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Japan
, from 1940 and
also
gives projection till 2040. A glance at the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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Japan
will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
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population
in the future despite its fewer
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percentage
of this
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population
in the early 40s and one-fourth of the world
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population
will be older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2040.

The illustration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the average
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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population
in 1940 was
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 5 and 10".
between 5 to 10
percent in all the three countries and the USA had the highest
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percentage
of
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aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while it was lowest in
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Japan
. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
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population
in the USA grew
steadily
and reached up to 15% in the year 2000. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
be doubled
and reach
nearly
25% in 2040.
Similarly
, in Sweden, the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
grew from about 7% in 1940 to 15% in 2000 and is heading towards 25% in 2040.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
remained the lowest, which was less than 5% until 2005 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to grow and reach the highest point, about 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, in 2040. The graph
clearly
reveals that the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will increase in 2040 and almost one of every four citizens in these three countries would be over 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in 2040.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 5

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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