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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.6

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 6
The line graph illustrates the percentage of citizens who aged 65 or above in three various nations from 1940 to 2040. Overall, it is clearly shown that the proportion of the population who aged 65 or above in the USA and Sweden increases from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops in between whereas that in Japan decreases starting from 1940 to 1980 before a sharp rise in the number of elderly people in that country. Initially, in 1940, there was a higher percentage of older people living in the USA (just below 10%) than Sweden (around 7%), it was then followed by Japan with only 5%. In the USA, there was an increasing trend in the proportion of elderly people from 1940 to 1980 and decreased slightly. However, it is predicted that the figure for this will eventually rise until 2040. A similar pattern can also be observed for the result obtained in Sweden, the figure for the percentage of older people increases from 1940 to 2040 with two gradual dips from 1980 to 1990 and from 2010 to 2025. Turning to Japan, it is apparent that there was a slight decline in the proportion of older people from 1940 to 1990 before it showed an upward trend. It is believed that the figure will soar dramatically from 2030 onwards and reached its peak in 2040. Lastly, Japan will become the country with most elderly people among the three nations and USA is the least.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of citizens who aged 65 or above in three various nations from 1940 to 2040.

Overall
, it is
clearly
shown that the proportion of the population who aged 65 or above in the USA and Sweden increases from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops in between whereas that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
decreases starting from 1940 to 1980
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a sharp rise in the number of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that country.

Initially
, in 1940, there was a higher percentage of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the USA (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 10%) than Sweden (around 7%), it was then followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%. In the USA, there was an increasing trend in the proportion of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from 1940 to 1980 and decreased
slightly
.
However
, it
is predicted
that the figure for this will
eventually
rise until 2040. A similar pattern can
also
be observed
for the result obtained in Sweden, the figure for the percentage of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases from 1940 to 2040 with two gradual dips from 1980 to 1990 and from 2010 to 2025.

Turning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, it is apparent that there was a slight decline in the proportion of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from 1940 to 1990
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend. It
is believed
that the figure will soar
dramatically
from 2030 onwards and reached its peak in 2040.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
will become the country with most elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among the three nations and USA is the least.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 6

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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