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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.10

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 10
The percentage of elderly people, aged 65 and over, from the year 1940 and projection till 2040 in three countries-  Japan, Sweden, and United States of America is illustrated in the given diagram. Based on the chart it can be seen that Japan had the lowest percentage of people who aged 65 and over in the year of 1940. It is surprising that Japan estimates that they will have the highest percentage of these elderly people in 2040. By looking at the detail, in 1940, Japan had only 5% elderly people compared with the USA, where 10% of total population was over 64 years old. While the proportion of elderly progressively increased in Sweden and the USA, the number of elders in Japan decreased till the end of the 80s. After 1980, the proportion of the elderly population in Japan dramatically increased and it is estimated to extremely raise after 2020. In 2040, Japan will be the land of the highest percentage of elders. Looking at the elderly people's percentages in two other countries- Sweden and the USA, it can be stated that, the proportion steadily increased and it is predicted that this percentage will keep on increasing. In 1940 the percentages of elderly in Sweden and the USA were about 6% and 9% respectively and it is estimated that these will reach to about one-fourth of the total population.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, aged 65 and over, from the year 1940 and projection till 2040 in three countries-
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
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Japan
, Sweden, and United States of America
is illustrated
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram.

Based on the chart it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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Japan
had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who aged 65 and over in the year of 1940. It is surprising that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
estimates that they will have the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2040.

By looking at the detail, in 1940,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compared with the USA, where 10% of total population was over 64 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. While the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
progressively
increased in Sweden and the USA, the number of elders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
decreased till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the 80s. After 1980, the proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
dramatically
increased and it
is estimated
to
extremely
raise after 2020. In 2040,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
will be the land of the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elders.

Looking at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
in two other countries- Sweden and the USA, it can
be stated
that, the proportion
steadily
increased and it
is predicted
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on increasing. In 1940 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
in Sweden and the USA were about 6% and 9%
respectively
and it
is estimated
that these will reach to about one-fourth of the total population.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 10

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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