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The graph below shows the percentage change in the nubmer of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006 alam re write v.2

The graph below shows the percentage change in the nubmer of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006 alam re write v. 2
The stipulated bar chart illustrates the percentage change in the number of overseas college goers graduating from universities in several states of Canada between 2001 and 2006. It was clear from the data that the state of New Brunswick outplayed all the other states with 7% and 11. 8% graduates in 2001 and 2006 respectively. Whereas the least number number of students were graduated from Ontario and Alberta province during 2001 and 2006, the figure were all time low of only 3% and 4. 2% respectively. A detailed view of the diagram reveals that, there was an upward trend in the number of graduates in 2006 in almost all the state universities except Alberta. Which showed an unexpected decline of 1. 5% as compared to 2001 figures(5. 8%) in terms of graduates number. Furthermore, all the states showed an increase of at least 2% as compared to 2001 figures. In conclusion it was evident that the number of foreign students in Canadian universities are increased in a steady manner over the period of time.
The stipulated bar chart illustrates the percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of overseas college goers graduating from universities in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
of Canada between 2001 and 2006.

It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of New Brunswick outplayed all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
with 7% and 11. 8% graduates in 2001 and 2006
respectively
. Whereas the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of students
were graduated
from Ontario and Alberta province during 2001 and 2006, the figure were
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
low of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% and 4. 2%
respectively
.

A detailed view of the diagram reveals that, there was an upward trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of graduates in 2006 in almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
universities except Alberta.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an unexpected decline of 1. 5% as compared to 2001 figures(5. 8%) in terms of graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
.
Furthermore
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an increase of at least 2% as compared to 2001 figures.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, it".
conclusion it
was evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of foreign students in Canadian universities
are increased
Consider replacing "in a steady manner" with the adverb for "steady"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a steady manner
over the period of time.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage change in the nubmer of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006 alam re write v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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