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The chart below shows the percentage of children aged 0 to 5 and adults aged 60 and over, selected Census years. v.1

The chart below shows the percentage of children aged 0 to 5 and adults aged 60 and over, selected Census years. v. 1
The chart represents the proportion of population by two age groups (0 to 15 and 0 and over) from 1911 to 2011. Overall, the children’s population decreased whereas the older population increased as the time passes by. Looking in details for younger groups, there was the highest proportion of population was recorded at the beginning of the projected period. About 32% of population was recorded in 1911. This continued to decrease to reach at 25% in 1931 and below 25% in 1961. By 2011, the children aged from 0 to 15 had accounted of about 18% of total population. In contrast, there was the lowest proportion for older groups of about 8% in 1911. This percentage constantly increased; about 11% in 1931, about 17% in 1961 and just above 20% in 1991. By 2011, the proportion for over 60 years of people had recorded at close to 25% out of total population.
The chart represents the
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proportion
of
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population
by two age groups (0 to 15 and 0 and over) from 1911 to 2011.

Overall
, the children’s
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population
decreased whereas the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
increased as the time passes by.

Looking in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
for younger groups, there was the highest
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proportion
of
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population
was recorded
at the beginning of the projected period. About 32% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
was recorded
in 1911. This continued to decrease to reach at 25% in 1931 and below 25% in 1961. By 2011, the children aged from 0 to 15 had accounted of about 18% of total population.

In contrast
, there was the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
for older groups of about 8% in 1911. This percentage
constantly
increased; about 11% in 1931, about 17% in 1961 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 20% in 1991. By 2011, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
for over 60 years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had recorded at close to 25% out of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of children aged 0 to 5 and adults aged 60 and over, selected Census years. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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