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The graph below shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia. v.2

The graph below shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia. v. 2
The bar graph compares the number of children aged between 5 and 14, divided by gender, who are participating in 5 different leisure activities in Australia. Overall, the number of boys exceeded that of girls who are engaging in leisure activities. It is also noticeable that both genders most prefer watching TV/videos. Art and craft is the activity that boys show the least interest while for girls it is skateboarding/roller-blading. The figure for both genders who are watching TV/videos is the same at around 100% each. Art and craft is the only activity where girls outnumbered the boys at roughly 60% and just over a third respectively. While there are approximately 80% of boys who are playing computer games, the number of girls who are doing the same activity is considerably lower at nearly 60%. With regard to bike riding, there are about 70% of boys who are interested as opposed to girls at almost 60%. Similarly, there are more boys who are doing skateboarding/roller- blading than girls, at approximately 40% and roughly 30%.
The bar graph compares the number of children aged between 5 and 14, divided by gender,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are participating in 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in Australia.

Overall
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
exceeded that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are engaging in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is
also
noticeable that both genders most prefer watching TV/videos. Art and craft is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the least interest while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
it is skateboarding/
Possible spelling mistake found.
roller-blading
.

The figure for both genders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are watching TV/videos is the same at around 100% each. Art and craft is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
outnumbered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
at roughly 60% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a third
respectively
.

While there are approximately 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are playing computer games, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is
considerably
lower at
nearly
60%. With regard to bike riding, there are about 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are interested
as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
at almost 60%.
Similarly
, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going skateboarding".
doing skateboarding
/roller
Possible spelling mistake found.
- blading
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, at approximately 40% and roughly 30%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The graph below shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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