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Te graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across faculties of a major university in 2012 v.2

Te graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across faculties of a major university in 2012 v. 2
The bar chart below illustrates rate of academic employees of 7 different departments in major universitis by gender in 2012. Overall, most of academic staff in engineering faculty are male, while education  school academic members in universities are mainly female rather than men. Although there is small different in level of genders who work in medicine school but number of female staff is higher at considerable rate. In 2012, about 55% academic workers in art school are women and approximately 42% male, it is interesting point to notice that in same period of time percentage of male and female' s of science and business department are fairly  simillar  by about 63% for men' s and 40 for female' s. According to graph there is significant difference in propration of  staff who work for engineering and education, while in first department rate of male are higher with over than 80% and number of female staff is more than other gender for latter group. In same period of time percentages were equal for people with different gender who taught in major universities.
The bar chart below illustrates rate of
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academic
employees of 7
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different
departments in major
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universitis
by gender in 2012.

Overall
, most of
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academic
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staff
in engineering faculty are male, while education
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school
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academic
members in universities are
mainly
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female
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Although there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in level of genders who work in medicine school
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but
number of
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female
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staff
is higher at considerable rate.

In 2012, about 55%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
workers in art school are women and approximately 42% male, it is interesting point to notice that in same period of time percentage of male and
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female&
#039; s of science and business department are
fairly
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Possible spelling mistake found.
simillar
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by about 63% for
Possible spelling mistake found.
men&
#039; s and 40 for
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female&
#039; s. According to graph there is significant difference in
Possible spelling mistake found.
propration
of
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You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
who work for engineering and education, while in
first
department rate of male are higher with over than 80% and number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is more than other gender for latter group. In same period of time percentages were equal for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gender who taught in major universities.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic Te graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across faculties of a major university in 2012 v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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