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The graph below shows the number of complaints made about noise to Environmental Health authorities in the city of Newtown between 1980 and 1996. v.3

The graph below shows the number of complaints made about noise to Environmental Health authorities in the city of Newtown between 1980 and 1996. v. 3
The given graph shows the number of complaints received by the Environmental Health Department according to the type of noises heard in the city of Newtown. The four types of commotions the authorities have received the most complaints for are: road works, traffic noise, factories and domestic or household disturbances.   In 1980, the authorities received over 600 complaints concerning domestic and household disturbances which have steadily decreased over the years.   Factory noise was also on a steady increase from 1980 till it stabilised between 600 and 800 complaints from 1986 onwards. The two most noise complaints the authorities have received is from road works and traffic noise as both have either doubled or tripled from 1980 onwards as seen in the graph.   There was a rapid growth in complaints from residents which started from 1989 and has been steadily increasing. My conclusion is that the city of Newport and the Environmental Health Department need to come up with a solution or laws to implement as soon as possible.   They need to try and decrease the road work, factories and traffic noises the residents have been complaining about most.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of
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complaints
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received
by the Environmental Health Department according to the type of
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noises
heard in the city of
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Newtown
.

The four types of commotions the authorities have
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received
the most
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complaints
for are: road works, traffic
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noise
, factories and domestic or household disturbances.
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In 1980, the authorities
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received
over 600
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complaints
concerning domestic and household disturbances which have
steadily
decreased over the years.
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Factory
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noise
was
also
on a steady increase from 1980 till it
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilised' is British English.
stabilised
between 600 and 800
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complaints
from 1986 onwards. The two most
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noise
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complaints
the authorities have
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received
is from road works and traffic
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noise
as both have either doubled or tripled from 1980 onwards as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the graph.
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There was a rapid growth in
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complaints
from residents which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 1989 and has been
steadily
increasing.

My conclusion is that the city of Newport and the Environmental Health Department need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a solution or laws to implement as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
They need to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
decrease the road work, factories and traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noises
the residents have been complaining about most.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of complaints made about noise to Environmental Health authorities in the city of Newtown between 1980 and 1996. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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