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The graphs indicate the source of complaints about the Bank of America and the amount of time it takes to have the complaints resolved. v.1

The graphs indicate the source of complaints about the Bank of America and the amount of time it takes to have the complaints resolved. v. 1
The pie chart shows the percentages of complaints made by different entities about the Bank of America while the bar graph depicts the average time required to resolve those objections. Overall, the highest objections came from the mass people while the resolution time for those complaints varies from 4 to 6 months. According to the pie chart, the highest percentage of complaints, more than 60%, about the Bank was reported by the public while the second largest of those complaints came from the government agencies, just over 11%. Insurance companies recorded 8% objections and the lowest ratio of those complaints was originated from the bank employees and out of state entities, 3 and 2 percent respectively. Interestingly only 3% complaints were logged by the media and the rest came from other sources. Average resolve time, depicted in the bar graph, reveals that the Bank of America took roughly four to six months to fix those complaints. In 2001 they needed half a year to take actions on those complaints, a month higher than that of previous years. The bank took approximately 4 months in 2002 and 5 months in next two years to provide solutions to the complaints made.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentages of
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complaints
made by
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different
entities about the
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Bank
of America while the bar graph depicts the average time required to resolve those objections.
Overall
, the highest objections came from the mass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while the resolution time for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complaints
varies from 4 to 6 months.

According to the pie chart, the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complaints
, more than 60%, about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bank
was reported
by the public while the second largest of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complaints
came from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
agencies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 11%. Insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
recorded 8% objections and the lowest ratio of those
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complaints
was originated
from the
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bank
employees and out of state entities, 3 and 2 percent
respectively
.
Interestingly
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only
3%
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complaints
were logged
by the media and the rest came from other sources.

Average resolve time, depicted in the bar graph, reveals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bank
of America took roughly four to six
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months
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
those
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complaints
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "2001, they".
2001 they
needed half a year to take actions on those
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complaints
, a
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month
higher than that of previous years. The
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bank
took approximately 4
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months
in 2002 and 5
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months
in
next
two years to provide solutions to the
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complaints
made.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The graphs indicate the source of complaints about the Bank of America and the amount of time it takes to have the complaints resolved. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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