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The graph below shows the fertility rate of women of different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v.2

The graph below shows the fertility rate of women of different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 2
The supplied bar graph enumerates the fertility rates of women in 6 different countries between 1990-2000. The noticeable feature of the chart is the collapsed rates of fertility of all the countries. As is evident from the bar graph, the fertility rate of each woman of natives of UAE, Bahrain, Kuwait and Qatar were on an average 3-4 while the latter was almost twice in the case of Saudi Arabia in 1990. It is interesting to note that Omani women had the eminent rate of fertility that was 7 to be precise. To continue with an explanation, female citizens of Oman had controlled the birth rate to a certain extent. However, the rates of Bahrain, Kuwait, and UAE plummeted to 2-3 in 2000. Not just this, there was a significant reduction in the fertility rates of women in Qatar. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabian ladies remained at the top position in the concerned decade. All in all, even though there was a curtail in the rates of fertility but still females of S. Arabia and Oman continued to show a fairly higher rate.
The supplied bar graph enumerates the
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fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of women in 6
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries between 1990-2000. The noticeable feature of the chart is the collapsed
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rates
of
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fertility
of all the countries.

As is evident from the bar graph, the
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fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of each woman of natives
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the UAE".
of UAE
, Bahrain, Kuwait and Qatar were on an average 3-4 while the latter was almost twice in the case of Saudi Arabia in 1990. It is interesting to note that Omani women had the eminent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
that was 7 to be precise.

To continue with an explanation, female citizens of Oman had controlled the birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
to a certain extent.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of Bahrain, Kuwait, and UAE plummeted to 2-3 in 2000. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
this, there was a significant reduction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of women in Qatar. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabian ladies remained at the top position in the concerned decade.

All in all,
even though
there was
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'curtail' is correct. If 'curtail' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a curtail
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
females of S. Arabia and Oman continued to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
fairly
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the fertility rate of women of different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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