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In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration. v.4

In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration. v. 4
The diagrams present results of a survey conducted in a big municipality on the flu vaccine to women in June 1996. Generally speaking, more females were affected by the flu than men did and death rate among women from the flu was also higher. As the data suggests, from February to June, the number of flu infection steadily increased. More females were affected by flue than men did and in the middle of the year, this infection spread among more than 3500 female and more than 2500 men at which point the injection experimented. The infection rate in the rest of the year remained constant - 2500 females and 1500 males. The bar graph shows the death cases from the flu and it is obvious that female death case was higher than the male mortality event. From June to August, 2 men died from the flu infection where 4 women departed from the same flu. Finally, the pie chart presents data on the aftermath of the vaccination. It can be observed that older women and children were at more risk than other age groups of females. answer can be followed as an example of a very good answer. However, please note that this is just one example out of many possible approaches. )
The diagrams present results of a survey conducted in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
municipality on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
vaccine to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in June 1996.
Generally
speaking, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
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flu
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did and death rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
was
also
higher.

As the data suggests, from February to June, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
steadily
increased. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by flue than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did and in the middle of the year, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
spread among more than 3500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and more than 2500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
at which point the injection experimented. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
rate in the rest of the year remained constant
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
2500
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females
and 1500 males.

The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the death cases from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flu
and it is obvious that
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female
death case was higher than the male mortality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. From June to August, 2
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men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from the
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flu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infection
where 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
departed from the same flu.

Finally
, the pie chart presents data on the aftermath of the vaccination. It can
be observed
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and children were at more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
than other age groups of females.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
answer
can
be followed
as an example of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
answer.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
note that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one example out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible approaches.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS academic In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. The result of this survey is presented in the following illustration. v. 4

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
212 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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