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The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v.4

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 4
The given line graph compares the unemployment rate in two countries: US and Japan from 1993 to 1999. As is observed from given graph, initially unemployment rate in the US was much higher than it was in Japan. But after a specific gap of years, the US managed to resolve the problem of crucial unemployment. Interestingly, after few years unemployment rate in Japan magnified significantly. As is presented in above line graph, it can be seen clearly, in 1993 unemployment rate in the US was exactly 7. 0 percent and after six years period, it slumped to approximately 4. 5 percent in 1999. On contrary, in 1993 Japan was full of prosperity and its unemployment rate was around 2. 5 percent. Unfortunately, after six years situation changed completely and the unemployment rate in Japan surged over 4. 5 percent respectively. Interestingly, Japan job market showed opposite trend than US job market. Ultimately, US managed to overcome the problematic situation of unemployment in 1999. Apart from this unemployment in Japan kept on soaring year by year and reached to 4. 5 percent in 1999. Finally, unemployment issue of Japan became severe compared to the USA.
The
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given
line graph compares the
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unemployment
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rate
in two countries: US and
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Japan
from 1993 to 1999. As
is observed
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph,
initially
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unemployment
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rate
in the US was much higher than it was in
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Japan
.
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But
after a specific gap of years, the US managed to resolve the problem of crucial
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unemployment
.
Interestingly
, after few
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years
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unemployment
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rate
in
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Japan
magnified
significantly
.

As
is presented
in above line graph, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
, in 1993
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the US was exactly 7. 0
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percent
and after six years period, it slumped to approximately 4. 5
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percent
in 1999. On contrary, in 1993
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was full of prosperity and its
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unemployment
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rate
was around 2. 5
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percent
. Unfortunately, after six years situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
completely and the
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unemployment
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rate
in
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Japan
surged over 4. 5
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percent
respectively
.
Interestingly
,
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Japan
job market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
opposite trend than US job market.

Ultimately
, US managed to overcome the problematic situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in 1999. Apart from this
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unemployment
in
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Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on soaring
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year
by
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year
and reached to 4. 5
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percent
in 1999.
Finally
,
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unemployment
issue of
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Japan
became severe compared to the USA.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
194 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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