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The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v.3

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 3
The given line graph compares the unemployment rates in the USA and Japan from March 1993 to March 1999. As an overall trend, the USA succeeded to decrease its unemployment rate over the time while the scenario was completely reverse in Japan despite its initial ignorable rate of unemployment. As can be seen from the given illustration, the unemployment rate in the USA was just over 7% in March 1993 while it was less than 2. 5% in Japan. However, this rate kept on decreasing in the USA while it went up in Japan. In two years, the percentage of jobless Americans fall to just below 5. 5% while it increased in Japan and stood at 3. 0% at the same time. The opposite trend of the line graph depicts that unemployment rate in the USA gradually declined while increased in the case of Japan. The rates of joblessness in these two countries intersected between March 1998 and March 1999 when the unemployment rate in both countries was just about 4. 5%. At the end of 1998, the percentage of unemployment among the Americans became less than that of Japan. The data presents that jobless people’s percentage in the USA was just above 4. 0 in 1999 while this rate in Japan reached to over 4. 5% which was more than double than the initial rate of their unemployment.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph compares the
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in the USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
from March 1993 to March 1999. As an
overall
trend, the USA succeeded to decrease its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
over the time while the scenario was completely reverse in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
despite its initial ignorable
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rate
of unemployment.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, the
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the USA was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 7% in March 1993 while it was less than 2. 5% in
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Japan
.
However
, this
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on decreasing in the USA while it went up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. In two years, the percentage of jobless Americans fall to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 5. 5% while it increased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and stood at 3. 0% at the same time. The opposite trend of the line graph depicts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the USA
gradually
declined while increased in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of joblessness in these two countries intersected between March 1998 and March 1999 when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in both countries was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 4. 5%. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1998, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
among the Americans became less than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. The data presents that jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s percentage in the USA was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 4. 0 in 1999 while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
reached to over 4. 5% which was more than double than the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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