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The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 5
The diagram gives some statistical information about the unemployment scenario in Japan and the United States between 1993 and 1999. Generally speaking, these two countries showed a contrasting trend in their unemployment ratio between March, 93 and March, 99. In 1993, 2. 5% Japanese could not find a suitable job which represents a 97. 5% employment rate in this country. At that time, 7. 0% of US citizens were unemployed. Over the time unemployment rate in Japan gradually increased while it actually decreased in the USA. After three years, March 1996 to be exact, unemployed Japanese increased by 1. 5% and decreased by the same ratio in the USA. This pattern continues and in the Mid-98, the unemployment rates in these two countries intersected at exactly 4. 5%. Next year, the USA managed to arrange jobs for more unemployed citizens and thus decreased this rate further while it went higher in Japan. Interestingly, the unemployment ratio in the USA dropped significantly while increased in Japan over the period. In 1999, just over 4% American's were jobless while more than 4. 5% Japanese did not have a job.
The diagram gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statistical information about the
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unemployment
scenario in
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Japan
and the United States between 1993 and 1999.
Generally
speaking, these two countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a contrasting trend in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
ratio between March, 93 and March, 99.

In 1993, 2. 5% Japanese could not find a suitable job which represents a 97. 5% employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in this country. At that time, 7. 0% of US citizens
were unemployed
. Over the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
gradually
increased while it actually decreased in the USA. After three years, March 1996 to be exact, unemployed Japanese increased by 1. 5% and decreased by the same ratio in the USA. This pattern continues and in the Mid-98, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in these two countries intersected at exactly 4. 5%.
Next
year, the USA managed to arrange jobs for more unemployed citizens and
thus
decreased this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
further
while it went higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
Interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
ratio in the USA dropped
significantly
while increased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
over the period. In 1999,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 4% American's were jobless while more than 4. 5% Japanese did not have a job.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS academic The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. v. 5

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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