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The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.4

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 4
The line graph compares the average consumption of various non-vegetarian delights namely chicken, beef, lamb and fish, over a 25 years period in a European country. A glance at the line graph reveals that the consumption of chicken over time increased noticeably while the fish was the least consumed item during the period. Now getting back to the details, in 1979 beef was the highly consumed meat with an average intake of 220 grammes per person per week. Thereafter the beef consumption varied for the next 10 years before a steady drop and it halved in 2004. The similar trend was seen in the intake of lamb which was consumed 150 grammes by a person per week and reduced to half of that in the year 2004. Fish consumption by people was the lowest throughout the 25 years period and dropped from an average weekly consumption of 60 grammes in 1979 to 40 grammes in 2004. In contrast, the consumption of chicken grew over the 25 years period and people ate 150 grams of chicken on a weekly basis in 1979 which increased up to 250 grammes in 2004.
The line graph compares the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of various non-vegetarian delights
namely
chicken, beef, lamb and fish, over a 25 years period in a European country. A glance at the line graph reveals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of chicken over time increased
noticeably
while the fish was the least consumed item during the period.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
getting back to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in 1979 beef was the
highly
consumed meat with an average intake of 220
Possible spelling mistake. 'grammes' is British English.
grammes
per person per week.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thereafter
the beef
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
varied for the
next
10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a steady drop and it halved in 2004. The similar trend was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the intake of lamb which
was consumed
150
Possible spelling mistake. 'grammes' is British English.
grammes
by a person per week and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to half of that in the
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year
2004. Fish
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consumption
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was the lowest throughout the 25 years period and dropped from an average weekly
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consumption
of 60
Possible spelling mistake. 'grammes' is British English.
grammes
in 1979 to 40
Possible spelling mistake. 'grammes' is British English.
grammes
in 2004.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of chicken grew over the 25 years period and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ate 150 grams of chicken on a weekly basis in 1979 which increased up to 250
Possible spelling mistake. 'grammes' is British English.
grammes
in 2004.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 4

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
189 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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