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The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.2

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 2
The line graph compares weekly consumption of four different eatables (i. e. beef, chicken, lamb and fish) in a European country from 1979 to 2004. Overall, it can be seen from the line graph that the consumption of meat and fish decreased during the period of 25 years with the exception of chicken. It can be seen from the graph that in 1979, the consumption of beef was the highest at around 220 grams per person per week. After that, however, the consumption decreased gradually to nearly 170 grams in 1984 and rose again marginally in 1984, before falling dramatically to just above 100 grams in 2004. Similarly, lamb’s consumption decreased slightly over the period of 25 years, decreasing from 150 grams to approximately 70 grams by 2004. By contrast, the consumption of chicken, which was 150 grams in 1979, increased steadily till 1999, after which it rose significantly and reached a peak of 250 grams by 2004. But, fish remained unpopular throughout the period with a little decline of 10 grams from just over 60 gram per person intake.
The line graph compares weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
eatables (
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
beef, chicken, lamb and fish) in a European country from 1979 to 2004.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the line graph that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of meat and fish decreased during the period of 25 years
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
chicken.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that in 1979, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of beef was the highest at around 220
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
per person per week. After that,
however
, the
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consumption
decreased
gradually
to
nearly
170
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 1984 and rose again
marginally
in 1984,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling
dramatically
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 100
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grams
in 2004.
Similarly
, lamb’s
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consumption
decreased
slightly
over the period of 25 years, decreasing from 150
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grams
to approximately 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
by 2004.

By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of chicken, which was 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 1979, increased
steadily
till 1999, after which it rose
significantly
and reached a peak of 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
by 2004.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, fish remained unpopular throughout the period with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
decline of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 60
Possible agreement error. The noun 'gram' seems to be countable, so consider using: "grams".
gram
per person intake.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The graph below shows the consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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