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The graph below shows the changes in UK birth rate of women in 6 different ages from 1973 to 2008. v.1

The graph below shows the changes in UK birth rate of women in 6 different ages from 1973 to 2008. v. 1
The line graph compares the rate of birth in 6 distinctive women age groups in Britain in the years between 1973 and 2008. It is clear from the given chart that there was a upward trend in the birth rate for British women from 30 to 39 years old, while the other women age groups saw a reverse tendency. 25 to 29 years old females had by far the highest birth rate during the time period. In 1973, about 140 infants were born per 1000 people from women aged from 25 to 29, followed by some fluctuations until it had reached around 120 by the year of 2008. Similarly, women between 20 and 25 and under 20 also seemed to gave birth to less children over 35 years, from approximately 125 and 60 birth per 1000 residents to just 95 and 40, respectively in the final year surveyed. The number was much lowest for birth rate of females aged over 40 years old, where it droped by 10 birth to just 10 per 1000 people in 2008. On the other hand, the figures for birth rate of British women from 30 to 35 and 35 to 39 years old witnessed an increase throughout the period of 35 years by 10 and 20 birth to over 80 and 65 per 1000 inhabitants, respectively.
The line graph compares the
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rate
of
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birth
in 6 distinctive
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women
age groups in Britain in the years between 1973 and 2008.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart that there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend in the
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birth
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rate
for British
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women
from 30 to 39 years
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old
, while the other
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women
age groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a reverse tendency. 25 to 29 years
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old
females had by far the highest
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birth
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rate
during the time period.

In 1973, about 140 infants
were born
per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
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women
aged from 25 to 29, followed by
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some
fluctuations until it had reached around 120 by the
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year
of 2008.
Similarly
,
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women
between 20 and 25 and under 20
also
seemed to gave
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birth
to
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less
children over 35 years, from approximately 125 and 60
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birth
per 1000 residents to
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just
95 and 40,
respectively
in the final
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year
surveyed. The number was much lowest for
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birth
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rate
of females aged over 40 years
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old
, where it
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "dropped", the past tense form of the verb 'drop'?
droped
by 10
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birth
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10 per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2008.

On the other hand
, the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of British
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women
from 30 to 35 and 35 to 39 years
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old
witnessed an increase throughout the period of 35 years by 10 and 20
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birth
to over 80 and 65 per 1000 inhabitants,
respectively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the changes in UK birth rate of women in 6 different ages from 1973 to 2008. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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