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The first chart shows the population of England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. The second chart gives information about the birth and death rate in the same countried in the same period. v.2

The first chart shows the population of England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. The second chart gives information about the birth and death rate in the same countried in the same period. v. 2
The bar charts gives the data about the number of people in England and Wales and births and deaths per 1000 residents in the same nations from 1700 to 2000. Overall, population in these countries examined increased steadily throughout the time period. Besides, while birth and death rate were considerably high in 1800, it was birth rate that was higher than death rate in all years. As can be seen from the first chart, in 1700, there was only around 8 million people in these countries. This number witnessed a substantial rise after a decade to about 16 million prior to almost doubling to nearly 39 million in 1900 and continuing to increase over the following period. By 2000, the number of residents in England and Wales had reached just below 50 million. With regard to the second chart, the largest number of births and deaths per 1000 people fell into the year 1800 (approximately 23 and 17, respectively). In contrast, only 5 deaths per 1000 residents was oberved in 2000, whereas the smallest birth rate stood at around 9 in the initial year.
The bar charts
You should probably use "give".
gives
the data about the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in England and Wales and
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births
and deaths per 1000 residents in the same nations from 1700 to 2000.

Overall
, population in these countries examined increased
steadily
throughout the time period.
Besides
, while
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birth
and death
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rate
were
considerably
high in 1800, it was
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birth
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rate
that was higher than death
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rate
in all years.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
first
chart, in 1700, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 8 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in these countries. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
witnessed a substantial rise after a decade to about 16 million prior to almost doubling to
nearly
39 million in 1900 and continuing to increase over the following period. By 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of residents in England and Wales had reached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 50 million.

With regard to the second chart, the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
and deaths per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fell into the year 1800 (approximately 23 and 17,
respectively
).
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 deaths per 1000 residents was
Possible spelling mistake found.
oberved
in 2000, whereas the smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
stood at around 9 in the initial year.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The first chart shows the population of England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. The second chart gives information about the birth and death rate in the same countried in the same period. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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