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The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. v.3

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. v. 3
The diagram outlines the population distribution of elephants in nine Asian countries in 1997 and 2004. Generally speaking, India had the highest number of elephants in both years while the total number of this species harshly declined during the period. As is presented, roughly 10000 elephants inhabited in India, the highest, which dropped to nearly 7500 in just seven years. Myanmar had the second largest number of elephants, over 5000, while China had only 1000 elephants in 1997. Their number in both countries declined and only 500 elephants were recorded in China in 2004. Malaysia and Sri Lanka had around 3000 elephants and in just 7 years, the number of elephant in the former country declined to as low as 1000. Vietnam and Laos had around a thousand elephants and the figure remained the same in Laos. The only place where elephant population grew was Cambodia where more than a thousand elephants dwelled. Finally, Thailand was the home to approximately 4 thousand elephants, which dropped to just over a thousand in merely 7 years.
The diagram outlines the population distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
in nine Asian countries in 1997 and 2004.
Generally
speaking, India had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
in both years while the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of this species
harshly
declined during the period.

As
is presented
, roughly 10000
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elephants
inhabited in India, the highest, which dropped to
nearly
7500 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
seven years. Myanmar had the second largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
, over 5000, while China had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1000
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elephants
in 1997. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in both countries declined and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
500
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elephants
were recorded
in China in 2004.

Malaysia and Sri Lanka had around 3000
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elephants
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
7 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephant
in the former country declined to as low as 1000. Vietnam and Laos had around a thousand
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elephants
and the figure remained the same in Laos. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place where
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elephant
population grew was Cambodia where more than a thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "dwelt", the past tense form of the verb 'dwell'?
dwelled
.
Finally
, Thailand was the home to approximately 4 thousand
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elephants
, which dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a thousand in
merely
7 years.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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