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The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. v.1

The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. v. 1
The graph shows the estimated highest population of elephants in nine different Asian countries. Overall, India had the highest number of elephants and except in Cambodia and Laos, the number of elephants declined noticeably. According to the graph, elephants in most of the countries in the list fell in 2004 than that of earlier 1997. This was more prevalent in Malaysia and Thailand where the number of this species dropped to less than half the figure in 1997. In the former, the number of elephants fell as low as 1000. India remained the country with by far the largest elephant population but experienced a dramatic decline in the number of elephants in seven years. China had the least number of elephants which was a thousand only and this decreased to half of that in seven years. Although the trend was downwards overall, the elephant population in Laos and Vietnam remained almost the same, just over a thousand. The only country where elephant's population actually grew was Cambodia, where the number increased by 200.
The graph
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shows
the estimated
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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population
of
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elephants
in nine
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different
Asian
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countries
.
Overall
, India had the highest
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number
of
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elephants
and except in Cambodia and Laos, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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elephants
declined
noticeably
.

According to the graph,
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elephants
in most of the
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countries
in the list fell in 2004 than that of earlier 1997. This was more prevalent in Malaysia and Thailand where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of this species dropped to less than half the figure in 1997. In the former, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
fell as low as 1000.

India remained the
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country
with by far the largest
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elephant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
experienced a dramatic decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
in seven years. China had the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
which was a thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and this decreased to half of that in seven years. Although the trend was downwards
overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in Laos and Vietnam remained almost the same,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a thousand. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where elephant's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
actually grew was Cambodia, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
increased by 200.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the changes in the maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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