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The graph below shows results of a survey of college going boys and girls activities other than academic studies. v.2

The graph below shows results of a survey of college going boys and girls activities other than academic studies. v. 2
The graph compares non academic activities of college going boys and girls. It is clearly visible from the chart that, boys spend one-third of their time surfing the internet and 15% of their playing games on computers. Nearly 40% time invested in outdoor games like basketball (20%), football (17%) and baseball (7%). Lastly, they spend 8% of their time listening to music and devoted only 3% to reading. On the other hand, girls show a good variety in their non academic activities. Their most popular activity is dancing that accounts for one-fourth of their time. This followed by internet and computer games that cumulatively occupy 30% of their time. Nearly one fifth of their time is dedicated to sports, listening to music and gym. Overall, it is clear that girls live more active life
The graph compares
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non academic
activities of college going boys and girls.

It is
clearly
visible from the chart that, boys spend one-third of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
surfing the internet and 15% of their playing games on computers.
Nearly
40%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
invested in outdoor games like basketball (20%), football (17%) and baseball (7%).
Lastly
, they spend 8% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
listening to music and devoted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% to reading.

On the other hand
, girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
variety in their
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non academic
activities. Their most popular activity is dancing that accounts for one-fourth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This followed by internet and computer games that
cumulatively
occupy 30% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Nearly
one fifth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is dedicated
to sports, listening to music and gym.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more active life
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The graph below shows results of a survey of college going boys and girls activities other than academic studies. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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