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The line graph shows the average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v.2

The line graph shows the average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v. 2
The line chart compares the average annual expenditures on mobile phone with residential phone services in a period of 10 years from 2001. Looking at the information in more detail, we can see that in 2001, people spent just $200 on mobile services while residential phone services have spent nearly $700 an average annual. After that, the use of cell phone increased dramatically while the spending on residential phone services was experienced a considerably drop by early of 2006. At this point, the spending of the average annual on both services was exactly the same at around $550. However, these trends continued as people’s expending on residential phone services dropped again and hit a low at approximately $410 in 2010. By contrast, the spending decreased on residential phone services reflected on the increasing mobile phone services result in it reached its peak at close to $800 at the end of the period shown. Overall, it is clear that although at the early of 21 centuries, residential phone services were played a dominant role in the phone services market, this circumstance has been completely changed year by year especially after 2006.
The line chart compares the average annual expenditures on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in a period of 10 years from 2001.

Looking at the information in more detail, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in 2001,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
$200 on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have spent
nearly
$700 an average annual. After that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
increased
dramatically
while the spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
was experienced
a
You used an adverb ('considerably') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('drop') instead of another adjective.
considerably drop
by early of 2006. At this point, the spending of the average annual on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
was exactly the same at around $550.

However
, these trends continued as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s expending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
dropped again and hit a low at approximately $410 in 2010. By contrast, the spending decreased on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
reflected on the increasing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
result in it reached its peak at close to $800 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period shown.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that although at
The phrase 'the early of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the early of
21 centuries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
were played
a dominant role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
market, this circumstance has been completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
year by year
especially
after 2006.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The line graph shows the average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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