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The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on the cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v.2

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on the cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v. 2
The line chart illustrates the average spending of the US people for mobile phone and fixed line services between 2001 and 2010. It can be seen that the annual spending for cellular services had increased sharply over the abovementioned period, while the residential one had a declining trend. In 2001, the amount of money that was spent by an American resident for residential phone services was around $ 690. This amount was far higher than the figure for the cellular services, which stood at approximately $210. It is noticed that in 2006 the spending on fixed line services decreased to $550, while the average spending on cellular phone services rose to the same figure as the residential services. From 2006 to 2010, the average annual spending of the American for cell phone services continued to increase to more than $ 750 per year. As for the residential services, the number of spending continued to decrease to just above $400 in 2010. In summary, it is clear that over the ten-year period, the average expenditure of American people on phone services had changed. The spending amount on mobile services had risen sharply by almost quadruple, while the figure for residential service had dropped by almost half.
The line chart illustrates the
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average
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spending
of the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for mobile
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phone
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line
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services
between 2001 and 2010. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the annual
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spending
for cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
had increased
sharply
over the
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
period, while the
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residential
one had a declining trend.

In 2001, the amount of money that
was spent
by an American resident for
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residential
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
was around
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "$690".
$ 690
. This amount was far higher than the figure for the cellular
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services
, which stood at approximately $210. It
is noticed
that in 2006 the
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spending
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
decreased to $550, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on cellular
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rose to the same figure as the
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residential
services.

From 2006 to 2010, the
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average
annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
of the American for cell
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
continued to increase to more than
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "$750".
$ 750
per year. As for the
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residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, the number of
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spending
continued to decrease to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above $400 in 2010.

In summary, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that over the ten-year period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
expenditure of American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. The
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spending
amount on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
had risen
sharply
by almost quadruple, while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
had dropped by almost half.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on the cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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